Save Verduna

“United Nations Earth SpaceTimeship Leeds” is on patrol in deep space when a computer malfunction sends it to the other side of the universe, thousands of years into the future. It answers a distress call from a paradise-world named “Verduna”...

The United Nations Earth SpaceTimeship “Leeds” was a wonderful “fly”. It could take you all over the universe and anywhen in time. A totally reliable bird too. But not today.

Pilot Dave Smethurst: “Oh F....! What the H...?”

Co-Pilot Pete Smith: “What’s happening?”

Dave: “Computer malfunction. Told ya we needed a new chip!”

Pete: “Where the Hell are we?”

Dave: “Other side of the universe. ‘bout three thousand years into the future! Damn!”

Pete: “Have a distress beacon. 3^rd planet of K type star 20 light years from here. Should we take a look?”

Dave: “Better do. Can sort out the problem later.”

Minutes later they landed on a beautiful, blue planet bathed in orange sunlight. They were in the midst of a parkland cum tropical jungle. All variety of trees, bushes and grasses everywhere. Towering above them were sheer cliffs leading up to very high mountains. The peaks of these natural skyscrapers were capped by snow, garlanded with fluffy white clouds. Flocks of birds decorated the sky. Nearby, myriads of bright flowers and fruit made for a fantastic display.

Dave: “Been to some planets, Pete, but this beats ‘em all.”

Pete: “Yeah! Amazing. If we can’t get back home, then tough! Time to meet the natives.”

Soon they were standing before a tall, slender, orange- skinned humanoid. They had landed only yards from a glorious beach. Now they stood before the lapping ocean waves.

Alien: “Welcome to Planet Verduna.  I am called Veerm. Are you here in answer to our distress call?”  

Dave: “We are indeed. How can we help?”

Veerm: “I see only the one shuttle. Have you come alone?”

Dave: “Yes. We had a computer malfunction. Our homeworld lies at the other side of the universe.”

Pete: “About three thousand years in the past!”

Suddenly a group of Verdunans came dashing out of the undergrowth.

Verdunan: “The Sligs are here! They’ve come early!”

The Verdunans dashed along the beach in blind panic.

Dave: “What’s going on here?”

Veerm: “The SLIGS are here! They will rape and pillage us. Too late! Too late.”

Pete: “You are being invaded? Who are they?”

Veerm: “The deadliest aliens we’ve ever encountered! We’re doomed!”

As they spoke, squadrons of jets screeched overhead. And now a “tank” of sorts thrust its way through the bushes.

Dave: “Shields!”

Both men flicked switches on their belts, and each was surrounded by a shimmering haze. Now an extremely ugly, massive humanoid, who looked like a general, clambered down from the tank.

Slig: “Ah you don’t run! Good. I command you to tell your leadership that I Kattoth, of the Slig Empire, rulers of ten galaxies, hereby take our rightful possession of this planet!”

Veerm: “Veerm at your service, my lord. I will inform The Council forthwith.”

Kattoth (looking askance at the two men): “Who are you two? Holiday makers? Ha ha.”

Dave: “No. We answered a distress call from this planet. I now see why. Better introduce myself: I’m Captain David Smethurst from the UNEST ‘Leeds’, Planet Earth.”

Kattoth visibly blanched, in spite of his deep ruddy colouring.

Kattoth: “Could you please repeat that?”

Dave obliged, quietly.

Kattoth: “My humble apologies Sirs. We did not know you had a presence here! Please let me contact my troops!”

With that, Kattoth whisked out a radio: “Commander Kattoth to all warriors. Cease hostilities! Repeat, cease hostilities! Return to Mothership! Now!”

Kattoth’s radio: “Commander, what’s going on...?”

Kattoth: “Repeat, get your arses out of here now! There are Earth Empire Warriors here, from the deadly Leeds tribe! Check your history books when you get home. Earth is one of the most evil, powerful dynasties in the universe. They will annihilate us if we don’t go NOW! (He turned to Dave) Do please excuse us. We will retreat 100 light years from here, I promise.”

Abruptly Kattoth clambered back into his tank, which turned and beat a retreat.

Veerm: “Will you kill US then?”

Dave: “No! When we’ve made our repairs we must return home, and stay there. We can establish a sub-space radio link with you, just in case, if you wish.”

Veerm: “That would be advisable.”

Steve: “We are a LONG way from home. I’d like to think we could visit you for the odd vacation though. This is such a beautiful place.”

Veerm: “So long as that is ALL you do. We do NOT want invading again.”

Steve: “As we say, we have other fish to fry.”

Veerm: “On the behalf of Verduna, I thank you for your assistance today.”

Dave: “You are welcome. Even though it was no more than some sort of Spaceboat Diplomacy.”

So, they returned to their ship.

Paul Butters