Elvis Lives

(Picture Credit - Statistics Brain)

(Just found this golden oldie in my archives - you may remember some of the characters involved)

“Where the hell am I?” protested the thirty-plus Elvis. He was straight-jacketed inside a fifteen foot high glass cylinder. Standing in front of him were three white coated scientists (judging by their appearance).  

Central scientist: “What is your name and date of birth please?”

Elvis: “Elvis Presley, 8th January 1935. What’s going on, man?”

Scientist: “There’s no easy way to break this to you, Elvis. You are a Copy of the original Elvis. A complete copy, both physically and mentally. You have all his memories.”

Second scientist: “But we are going to reprogram your memory. Don’t worry, it will be painless. Soon you will have a new life, as an orphan with English foster parents. You will have adapted to losing your father at two and your mother at fourteen.”

First scientist: “The exciting thing, though, is that we are sending you to an alternate universe where there is no Elvis! Our agents there have arranged for you to be fostered in England. The year is 2011 there. It’s a great opportunity for you.”

Third Scientist: “You will remember nothing of this. All you will remember is singing Beatles and other famous songs with your mates at the pub.”

First Scientist: (Into a mike on his chest) “Let’s do it Sam!”

Instantly the cylinder filled with a blinding light. The deed was done. (Actually the memory-reprogramming was done. But once they were satisfied, Elvis was transported to that alternate Earth).

A few months later the X Factor judges were sitting at their table, waiting for the next auditionee to be summoned.

Tulisa: “What a morning!”

Gary: “Manchester is a big letdown today!”

Kelly: “That’s England for ya!”

Louise: “You bet. Ah here’s another.”

Tulisa’s fresh, beautiful face lit up as this swarthy young man ambled across the stage.

Tulisa: “Hello!” Who are you?

Elvis: “Elvis Presley, Ma’am.”

Tulisa: “And how old are you?”

Elvis: “Thirty two.”

Louis: “I hear you were fostered here as a teenager, Edmund.”

Elvis: “Huhuh? That’s Elvis, sir. Yes I was. I lost my mom when I was fourteen.”

Kelly: “Oh my. That’s really sad, honey!”

Gary: “What experience do you have of singing?”

Elvis: “Well, I just like to sing along with my friends at the pub.”

Gary: “How come we’ve not seen you before?”

Elvis: “Well, I’ve been waiting until my family are secure. They are now, so here I am.”

Louis: “What are you going to sing for us today, Elvis?”

Elvis: “Yesterday, by The Beatles.”

Louise: “When you are ready.”

Elvis: “Thank you very much.”

The music started. And Elvis sang...

Paul Butters

© PB 28\9\2011.