Completely Lost

(Photo Credit - NASA)

(This is my longest work so far: just short of 14,000 words and written in September 2009)

Chapter One.

“A Rude Awakening.” 

This grass is rather prickly. What grass? Dave forced his head through the duvet and looked around. Sure enough he was laid on what could best be described as long couch grass. Beneath a blanket of “rhubarb leaves” or something similar. Instead of being in his bed, indeed in his bedroom, Dave was laying in a “hollow”, something like a small crater or bowl. In the open air.

At the other side of the hollow lay his friend Steve. Like himself, covered only by a duvet. Steve, his flatmate, had been sleeping in the adjoining room, but now there was no sign of their home. Only a few clothes scattered on the ground around them.

“Wake up Steve!” yelled Dave.

After a few jumps and snorts, and glances around, Steve suddenly sat bolt upright.

Steve: “Where the Hell are we?”

“No idea,” replied Dave, “last thing I remember is getting into bed last night.”

“So what are we doing here?”

“Very good question Steve. It’s bloody hot as well. Feels like about 30 degrees to me. Where’s winter gone?”

“Ya mean, where’s Britain gone matey. We must be in the tropics somewhere.”

“How?” protested Dave.

“How the Hell do I know? Somebody must have broken into the flat, drugged us, put us on ‘plane and dropped us here. Don’t ask me why though. Any better explanation?”

“No,” conceded Dave.

Both had been left trousers, sports shirts and slippers, so there was nothing else to do but get dressed. After some musing, Dave suggested they both had a look around. They climbed to the top of the “bowl”. Together they gasped in awe at their wider surroundings: a seemingly endless plain dotted with countless hillocks like their own. 

The sky was an almost unbroken blue, apart from some wispy white clouds. In the far distance they could see some flocks of birds, maybe starlings. An unforgivingly hot sun glared down from high behind them as they apparently looked northwards. From East to West a fairly broad river meandered. More importantly, however, a narrow road also wound its way from East to West. And this road passed just by their hillock.

After a while Steve spoke up: “I think we have three choices: wait for someone to come and get us, go East along this road, or go West.”

After some heated debate, they decided to go West.

Soon, wrapped in their duvets, the two of them trudged along the road.  Like the river nearby, this highway meandered amongst these little hills. Round the first bend came an early surprise! By the roadside they found a well! Next to this was a small wooden hut. 

The door was unlocked, indeed “lockless”, and contained piles of water bottles and assorted ladles. Each bottle was attached to a “sling”, just right for carrying over your shoulder. The invitation was obvious, and the water in the well looked very clear. After some debate about the risk of cholera or the like, they each quenched his thirst. 

Delicious! They filled as many bottles as they could comfortably carry. At least they would not die of thirst for a while. Without further delay they resumed their journey.

As Dave and Steve went along, they took it in turns to climb the nearest hillock to check the area for people. Only a minority of these hills contained “craters”, and none showed any sign of human habitation. Every hour or so they stopped for a complete rest and a chat.

At one of these stops, Dave spoke up: “Hey Steve it’s eight o'clock and still light! It should have been dark about five.”

“The sun’s moving very slowly,” observed Steve, “or am I imagining things?”

“Dunno,” sighed Dave, “but I suppose if we’re in the southern hemisphere it’s mid-summer so...”

Four hours later it was still daylight, though the sun was fairly low in the sky. Anyway, they decided to “make camp” by the roadside and grab some sleep. Even though they felt exhausted, their slumbering was rather fitful, as one might expect in these bizarre circumstances. Their watches agreed that it was about 4 AM  when sunset actually took place!

About one hour later Steve surprisingly shook Dave out of his latest snooze.

“Look!” gasped Steve.

“The Moon,” replied Dave.

“Over there!”

Dave turned towards the opposite horizon.

“Oh my God!” yelled Dave.

A good distance above that skyline was, another, smaller moon! It was far too big to be Venus, and clearly a moon like the other one.

“I can’t see the ‘man in the moon’ either,” added Steve. Dave looked again at the moon directly above them. All he could do was agree: on closer inspection it just wasn't quite their Moon.

After a long, shocked silence, Dave spoke: “We’ve not been kidnapped, we’ve been abducted by aliens!”

“Eh?” frowned Steve.

“Well, we’re clearly on another planet. How else could we have got here? Okay, maybe not aliens, but whoever it was must have one hell of a rocket.”

Dave and Steve did not often admit it, but they were both keen “Trekkies”. They had both watched their fair share of science fiction: “Battlestar Gallactica”, “Star Wars”, “Space Above and Beyond” and many more. Their knowledge of astronomy was quite good. They knew full well that a planet like this would have to lie in a solar system other than ours. To bring them here using a conventional rocket would have taken thousands of years!

Had they been put in suspended animation for many centuries and brought here on a spaceship? If so, everyone they once knew was long dead and buried. The two of them discussed these possibilities at length. Naturally they kept checking the sky to make sure! A more comforting thought emerged: that they had indeed been brought here by a “starship” having some sort of “hyperdrive”, or via a “wormhole” or something. That led them to ponder the possibility that they had somehow entered some “parallel” universe, rather like “Sliders” (another one of their science fiction favourites). Finally they gave up on these musings. They agreed that the important thing was to stay vigilant, and survive! 

Whatever happened, they planned to resume their journey at 8 AM by their watches.

So at eight they wrapped themselves in their duvets and picked their way down the road. They were very thankful for those moons, as it was still pitch black. The middle of the night. No sign of any electric lights or fires. No buildings. Just hillock after hillock, bend after bend as the road snaked its way across the plain.

At about 4 PM they saw a beautiful dawn! It would seem that each day here was about 36 hours long, with 18 hours of daylight. Probably they were somewhere near the equator, which explained why it was so hot. Whatever, they simply had to keep moving, and try to find help.

About two hours later they saw that they were heading towards a vast forest or jungle! Soon those woods covered the whole horizon: they were every bit as vast as the plain. Their pace quickened, and eventually the roadway led them deep into a tropical jungle. They were now surrounded by birdsong and the occasional cries of unknown animals. Vigilance was now their watchword.

A couple of hours later they encountered a small clearing, and a big wooden building. An old Inn! As they approached the front door they read the sign: “Traveller’s Rest”!

“Traveller’s Rest!” exclaimed Steve, “They speak bloody English!”

“I’m beginning to wonder whether we’ve been drugged or hypnotised!” complained Dave, “This is mad!”

Anyway, they agreed to knock on the door and just “go with the flow”. After all, they had been starving for something to eat for many hours. There was no reply, so they swung the door open, to enter a spacious “lounge”. It was like stepping back two hundred years but lovely and cool. Sitting around on old wooden seats were about ten customers. They all turned to view these strangers. Behind the bar was the stereotypical busty barmaid with a welcoming smile.

“Can I help you, gentlemen?” the barmaid asked, with a slightly south western accent.

Dave and Steve approached the bar.

Dave: “We’ve travelled a long way...

Barmaid: “Where from?”

Dave: “From another province. We...

Steve (interjected): “We’ve just crossed the plain...”

Barmaid: “The Plain of Peace. Are you from Nitteera?”

Steve: “That’s right. We badly need some food and somewhere to sleep for a few days. Trouble is, I don’t think our money is any good here.”

Barmaid: “Beautiful country Nitteera. Must go there someday. Oh, I’m Mira...”

Dave: “I’m Dave and this is Steve, pleased to meet you. Don’t mind me saying, but I can’t help you speak English like us...”

Mira: “ ‘Speak English’”, what do you mean?”

Dave: “Er, the words and sentences you are speaking, we call them English.”

Steve (added): “It’s one of our main languages. Most of us speak Chinese though, so I’ve heard.

Mira: “ ‘Languages. Chinese. English?’”

Now Dave and Steve noticed that a man had approached the bar and now joined Mira behind it.

“Hello,” I’m Benron, he smiled, and “we speak Yintish, rather better than you Nitteerans do, if you don’t mind me saying so!”

“So, you’re ‘Yints’?” blurted Steve.

“No we’re from planet Zog!” laughed Benron, “Of course we’re Yints! You sound like you’ve spent the year on planet Zog my friend. Or had too much sun.”

Most of the customers laughed raucously. Dave and Steve decided to be diplomatic by joining in all the laughter.

Benron: “Let’s see your money!”

Hesitantly Dave placed his wallet and his purse on the bar top.

Benron: “MMM. Never seen money like this before.”

The barman fingered and bit the coins. Then he picked up a bank note. What’s this paper?”

Dave: “That’s one of our twenty pound notes. That’s worth ten of those golden coins.”

Benron: “Paper money? Never seen that before.”

The customers, who were behaving like a theatre “gallery”, all agreed.

“Tell you what,” offered Benron, “Here’s the deal. We’ll take two of each of these coins and papers, and that ‘twenta pond’ one. And you’ll each work four horials every day you stay here. There’s plenty for you to do in the kitchens, around the inn, in the stables and the farmyard. For that you’ll get a bed each and three meals a day. It’s up to you whether you take single rooms or share.” He winked at the others.

Dave: “We’ll share a room, but we need separate beds please, if that’s okay with you.”

“No problem,” agreed Benron, “And of course, let me not forget, you each get two beers between meals. Mira, two beers for the gentlemen please.”

Each beer mug looked to contain about one and a half pints. It tasted beautiful. Things were looking up.

Chapter Two.

“On to Metrolem.”

As Dave and Steve supped their ale, they idly chatted with their hosts. The atmosphere improved by the minute. Mira and Steve were openly flirting with one another. Soon they were enormously grateful to be served a slap up meal. How they needed that food! Then they each received another beer.

For a few seconds the lads found themselves out of earshot.

Dave: “Mira fancies you!”

Steve: “I think you might be right Dave. If I play my cards right I could be in there!”

As most men know, what Steve meant was there may be a chance here to develop a beautiful, romantic relationship! Anyway, they had to shut up as Mira approached them once more. Another beer!

Some time later Mira offered to show them to their room. She made sure that she showed them all the facilities before she left. The room as such was quite comfortable. Then again, with the equivalent of four and a half pints of beer inside each of them, any port in a storm would do.

Suddenly Steve lost his balance and fell over! Or rather, he put his arms out and floated. Instinctively he tried to breast stroke, and found himself swimming through the air! Dave tried this too, and discovered that he could swim too!

Dave: “I wonder if everyone can do this round here?”

Steve: “No idea, we’ll have to ask.”

Dave: “Careful Steve, we may be the only ones who can. Do you hear shouting?”

Steve shot through the door, which had been left ajar. Before him stood a tabby cat yelling, “Will someone please give me a drink of water?”

“Bloody Nora! A talking cat now!” exclaimed Steve.

“A talking human!” gasped the cat.

Dave (by now alongside Steve): “What?”

Cat: “I’ve never seen a talking human before! Nor any one that understands me. This is amazing.”

Dave: “Tell me about it. Do you really mean they cannot interpret what you say?”

Cat: “Too right. I’m dying of thirst here.”

Steve: “I’ll get you some water.”

Off Steve shot, in search of the kitchen.

Dave: “I’m called Dave, and the other guy is Steve. Do you have a name.”

Cat: “The humans seem to call me ‘Tommy’, though I’ve no idea what it means.”

Dave: “MMM. Probably something around ‘tomcat’. Are you male?”

Tommy: “Yes. My real name is ‘Superhunter’ though. They call my friend ‘Sandy’ and his real name is ‘Mouser’. Is he too called Sandy through being male?”

Dave: “No. Sandy is the colour of his fur. Ever seen a beach, by the sea?”

Superhunter: “No, never heard of such a thing. His fur is a bright sunny colour though. I take it you are not from round here then.”

Dave: “That’s right. We are from a far away land.”

Superhunter: “Is that why you can talk to cats?”

Dave: “Sort of. But we never could do this until we came here. Tell me though, are all the humans here able to swim through the air?”

Superhunter: “Swim through the air? Never seen such a thing. Who’ve you spotted doing that?”

Dave: “Well, just us actually. I wondered whether this was normal here.”

Superhunter: “Absolutely not. Nor is talking with cats. You are incredible people.”

Presently Steve arrived with the water. Superhunter thanked them profusely and began lapping it up.

Steve (to Dave): “Got something to tell you Dave. Just spoken to Mira. No, I wasn’t chatting her up! Listen. Turns out she has been using a few words of Nitteeran with us ever since we said we came from there. And we heard it as English! As an experiment I got her to speak to me in some other languages, and I heard them as English too. I tried her with some French and she got it as Yintish! Either we’ve become very gifted or else someone, or something is doing some great interpreting for us.”

Dave: “Not to mention the swimming,” agreed Dave, “I have an idea...”

Impulsively Dave led Steve out to the stables. Suffice to say that soon they were having a cosy chat with a horse! It reminded Steve of the old telly series “Mr. Ed”, about a talking horse.

Then they went to the farmyard, and talked with pigs, cows, hens... All agreed they were the first humans known to communicate with animals this way! They had to stop, however, as they were summoned to do some work! Each “horial” turned out to be about eighty minutes in duration, so they grafted for longer than they’d expected. Then again they still had plenty of time to chat with both humans and animals alike.

On one of their breaks Steve asked Mira if they could see some of the inn’s books. He particularly specified an “atlas”, which meant nothing to Mira, but she soon came up with a “map book”: in other words an atlas! Harmed with an assortment of basic books – the inn was no library after all – the lads retired to their room to study.

“The Plain of Peace” actually occupied the south west corner of “Yinta”, a fairly average nation located near the equator. As far as the Yints were concerned, this planet was called “Earth”! This vast jungle they were in was called “Aborran Forest”, and to the west of these woods lay the Yintish capital city called Metrolem. This city lay on Yinta’s west coast, next to the obviously named “Western Ocean”. Just a hundred miles to the north east of Metrolem was “Plateau Ridge”, which marked the border between Yinta and another nation – Padangis.

To say that the Yints and “Padangies” hated one another was rather an understatement. They had been at war, on and off, for hundreds of years. The main bone of contention was the ownership of the strategical Plateau Ridge. Right now the Padangies occupied the ridge, so the Yints were striving to win it back. The history books that the lads looked at were full of “innocent” Yintish folk being pillaged and raped by the brutish Padangies. Steve popped out to check all this with Mira, and she verified it all with some unrepeatable expressions of hatred and disgust. And when Steve asked some customers about the Padangies, well...

Interestingly one book the lads did not have to borrow from Mira was their “Bible”! A copy of this was to be found in every bedroom. Like our Bible, this sacred book was devoted to the worship of “The One True God”. This was a worldwide religion created by a gypsy-like nomadic race called simply, “The Wanderers”. This race still travelled all around the world. No “Promised Land” here: they remained steadfastly proud of their nomadic traditions. The most iconic prophet of this religion was a Wanderer lady called Mabralla, who came back from the dead about three thousand years ago. All very familiar. Superficially this Bible was quite different from ours: no Jews, no Jesus, no twelve apostles or anything like that, yet the underlying themes were most recognisable.

“What we need now is some books on astronomy,” announced Dave as he closed one of the tomes.

“Mira says we should try Metrolem City Library,” answered Steve, “She’s even offered to take us there in a few days.”

Dave: “Have you got into her knickers yet?”

Steve: “That’s classified information!”

Actually Steve had nothing to hide, for now. That night, though, Mira invited him to her room! After a few drinks and much chat, Steve decided to try his luck and went for a kiss. He needn’t have worried! Mira responded enthusiastically, opening her mouth so widely he had to stretch to meet her lips. Soon she snogged him hungrily and he wondered who was chasing who.

After a while they agreed to have safe sex: Steve was almost always “prepared” for this: though Mira had never heard of such a thing. Once Steve  explained about contraception, Mira agreed it was most sensible, if amusing. Steve said something about Jeremy Kyle being proud of him, but she let this go. Respecting the couple’s privacy, suffice to say everything went very well. Steve was most grateful for those extra hours of night-time.

A couple of days later, Steve and Dave helped Mira load many empty barrels onto a wagon. The lads brought their duvets with them too. The plan was for Mira to take them with her to the brewery in Metrolem, but they would seek out accommodation there. They would explore the city, then hitch a lift back to the inn when Mira visited the brewery again. However, right now they had a delay! The horse complained to the boys that he had a loose shoe. Mira was most impressed at their “knowledge” of horses and sent for the farrier. Before too long Mira, Steve and Dave set off for Metrolem.

After quite a long journey they reached the edge of the jungle and drove into a land of rolling hills. Presently the wagon trundled over the brow of a hill, and there was a beautiful, sweeping vista: the ancient city of Metrolem. Before long the lads were helping Mira unload the wagon at an old brewery in the suburbs.

Chapter Three.

“Another Surprise.”

Mira booked the lads and herself into a local guesthouse. They were to stay a couple of nights, reload the wagon with beer and so forth, and return to “Traveller’s Rest”. She had a “lot of business to take care of” so she allowed them to find their way to the main city library.

Soon Dave and Steve were standing before the library entrance. What a magnificent old building! The architecture of the place reminded them of ancient Rome or Athens. Dave reminded them, however, that they were not here to sightsee. Minutes later they were leafing through tomes on astronomy. The astronomers here had reached the same technological level as did ours in the nineteenth century. However, their “discoveries” were quite interesting.

This “Earth” was the second planet of a solar system of seven. The fifth planet had a ring, rather like our Saturn. Their “sky” as such had seven major constellations, but nothing resembling ours. Well, nothing to hint at any connection with “home”. There was speculation that there may be life on the first and third planets here, but this was conjecture.

After some more general reading, the lads made their way back to the guesthouse. They entered the hallway and approached the stairway leading to their rooms. The way was blocked by two rifle-laden soldiers! They both turned, to find they had been followed by some more uniformed men. Dave and Steve were surrounded!

“You are to come with us,” barked the nearest soldier.

Mira now appeared, behind some of the men. She was clearly clutching and shaking a bag, probably full of coins. Her “message” to the boys could not be mistaken.

“Sorry, lads,” she smiled, “Some things a girl has to do. The Traveller’s Rest is not very profitable just on takings.”

“I thought you loved me!” protested Steve.

“Of course I do,” agreed Mira, “but not this much (she looked at the bag). The sex was great, but you can’t live on that. Bye.”

“Where are they taking us?” yelled Steve, beginning to panic.

“To be heroes. You will join our glorious army, in it’s great mission to take back from Padangis what is rightfully ours!” she replied, “Don’t worry. At least you’ll be with other Nitteerans, and other foreigners.”

“So we’ve been press-ganged! What if we don’t want to Fight?” asked Steve.

“That’s not an option,” interjected the soldier, “the alternative to supporting us is best not said in present company. But when you see what they have done, you will charge to the front to punish them!”

With that, the lads were whisked away. In short order they were ushered to their “barracks”. There they were put through humiliating medicals, “inoculated”, put into uniforms and billeted with a “company” of “foreign” recruits like themselves. They were each issued with an old fashioned rifle and sword. Much like any army back home really.

After a few marching drills and so forth, their company of about fifteen men and five women was taken on a short tour of the community. They were shown sites where the enemy had invaded earlier, causing untold damage. The group was taken to visit the war-wounded in hospital, an orphanage (full of war orphans of course), and similar places. 

Throughout the tour they were told how the Padangies had raped, pillaged... Many of the recruits seemed to “buy” all this, but the lads still wondered. One surprise was that they had five women in their group. Not that Steve had much sympathy for women right now!

Days later Dave and Steve found themselves close to the front line, walking towards the scene of battle, rifles ready. They were on the far right flank of a loose line of new recruits, all heading for their first battle. Well, not quite. Dave gestured to Steve, and they crept further and further to the right, until they could sneak behind some high bushes. They kept low, then broke into a run. The lads had managed to discuss this ploy, and now they were executing their escape. Around another bush they ran.

They ran! Their uniforms were the proud red of Yinta. They kept running. Right into a company wearing royal blue uniforms! The dreaded Padangies! No escape now! 

Hurriedly they threw down their rifles and put their hands on their heads.

A few hours later Dave was tied to a chair, being interrogated by the equivalent of an officer. At least he had not been tortured. In fact the guy was speaking quite softly to him.

“One thing that surprises me,” remarked the officer, “is how you and your friend speak such perfect Padangian. To be honest I thought you were taking the p**s out of my rural accent. I’ve never met a Nitteeran before with such a command of our language. Or is that another feature of this ‘remote’ province you say you come from?”

“Yes,” said Dave, “We have an excellent education system. All we want to do is get back home so we can resume our studies.”

“You keep saying you just ‘want to go home’, but I how can I know you are not a spy, a native of Yinta?”

“You’ll have to take my word for it. That’s all I can say. All I know about Yinta is what I’ve learnt these past few days. That’s the God honest truth.”

“And what do you know about Padangis?”

“Only what the Yints have told me. They say you are an evil bunch of land-gabbing rapist and pillagers. Is that true?”

“Of course not! You are brainwashed if you think that...”

“Then unbrainwash me. Go on! Tell me your side of the story!”

The officer did.

In fact the officer began to bombard Dave with stories of atrocities committed by Yints on Padangies. He produced a book on the subject, the text of which was punctuated by relevant pictures.

Thankfully a second officer walked in, apologised for interrupting and introduced himself to Dave.

“I’m Kerron. You are Dave I understand. Are you okay?”

“Yes thanks,” replied Dave, “how are you?”

“Fine,” answered Kerron, “these are good people. They pay good money too. But tell me, ‘Dave’ is a new name to me. So is ‘Steve’. What province are you from?”

Oh dear. Dave racked his brain and tried not to panic.

“A little place called England,” replied Dave.

“That’s odd, your friend said you were from ‘Britain’!” frowned Kerron.

“England is a, err, county within Britain.”

“What’s he saying?” asked the first officer. Kerron gave him a quick resume.

Interrupting, Dave asked Kerron, “Why doesn’t he understand me?”

“He doesn’t speak Nitteeran, why do you think?”

“We were talking in Nitteeran?”

“What?”

“I mean, are you Nitteeran?”

“Yes, as it happens, I’m a mercenary,” replied Kerron .

Then, he turned to the first officer and said, “He speaks perfect Nitteeran Bronga. If he’s a spy they’ve trained him very well.”

The conversation continued a little, then Kerron turned to Dave and said, “Dave, I’d like to ask you some questions.”

 At this point things suddenly took a downward turn for Dave. The “questions” were all about Nitteera! Dave had read some stuff on Nitteera, to back up their story (his and Steve’s), but his knowledge of the country was still woeful.

To cut a long tale short he had to change his tale: they were from a tiny island called Britain, far away in the Western ocean. That didn’t wash either. Kerron even nipped out to check whether anyone had heard of such an island. Of course, nobody had.

The way the interrogation was going, the lads were going to be shot as spies! So, in complete desperation, Dave blurted out the actual truth: that they were from another “Earth” and had been mysteriously dumped in the “Plain of Peace”. That went down about twice as badly as his “island” story!

“Okay,” gasped Dave, “Tell you what. Untie me and I’ll show you a trick that none of you can do. Bring in some guards if you want. There’ll be no funny business, I promise. What’s there to lose? Unless you are cowards!”

After some heated discussion they brought five guards in, and granted his request. Then they just stood and gasped as he demonstrated how he could swim through the air!

“Steve can do it too,” boasted Dave, “and don’t say I’m a ‘super spy’ or something. The Yints do not have the technology for this. And while we’re at it, only Steve and I can talk to anyone in any language. Why, we can even talk to your animals! Show you that too if you like. Go on, bring Steve in, bring any animal, and we’ll show you.”

After some frantic discussion they did indeed usher Steve into the room. Then they brought in some of their “foreign recruits”: some mercenaries, others press-ganged into service. A dog was led in, so the boys got her to do some rather impressive “tricks”. Of course, they had no difficulty demonstrating their super linguistic skills.

Steve presently turned to Officer Bronga and said, “If you like, we could give you some technical advice. Our science and technology is years ahead of yours.”

Once the “demonstration” was over, and the “dust settled”, they were both shown to the same cell. There they were visited by a succession of higher ranking officers. Nobody said outright that they believed the lads, or otherwise. In due course they were transported to the capital city of Padangis, Bellaira. To be precise, they were moved to the nation’s military headquarters: the scientific section. There they were interrogated by some of the top scientists in the land. They were still prisoners, of course, but essentially they began to function as “advisers” to these scientists. The boys soon became “resident” in “The Department”. Well it was better than being shot!

A few days later, however, they were given a “permanent” move, to “The Institute”. This was a “Non-military” scientific community about twenty or so miles north, up the coast from the capital. Apparently the scientists had had their way and insisted that the lads were involved in “general” scientific development, not just military stuff. Dave and Steve had somewhat regretted offering to help the Padangies Scientifically and made a pact not to tell them anything that might be used to harm their enemies. Steve likened this to “Star Trek” with its “Prime Directive” of non-interference. The lads were very keen not to upset the balance of power here. After all, both sides were equally bad or good, one way or another. They simply could not take sides here.

Of course, the boys remained under military custody. The army had apparently done all they could to keep them “top secret”, for obvious reasons. Nevertheless, “The Institute” was a pleasant campus and very much a “seat of learning”. The scientists there were a friendly bunch by and large, all devoted to research and development. The lads were billeted in a “chalet”, with separate bedrooms and all the facilities. They soon became fully resident there. They would escape at the first opportunity, they decided, but whilst here Dave and Steve would make the most of the Padangi hospitality. They particularly enjoyed assisting with astronomical and medical research. Their scientific knowledge was limited however. For example, they could tell these scientists about the existence of viruses, but could not show them how to detect them. All they could do was lead their hosts in the right direction. A rewarding activity nevertheless. Before too long, Dave and Steve were almost “part of the furniture”.

Chapter Four.

“The Ancient Ones.”

“Well this is another fine mess you’ve got me into,” moaned Steve to Dave. Both of them were crouched in a bunker on a remote hillside in northern Padangis. They felt very isolated in the black of night, even though surrounded by scientists and guards. Days earlier they had explained to the Padangies what they knew about U.F.Os., a new concept to these people. So now they were part of a team investigating reports of “strange bright lights in the sky”. And wishing they’d never spoken as the hours crawled by. They kept watching, rather depressed.

Suddenly there was a shout! Sure enough a light. Directly above them. Growing brighter and brighter. One of the scientists began taking photographs with a rather old-fashioned camera. Brighter and brighter grew the light. A saucer shape? A direct beam, from the “saucer” down to them! Then they knew no more...

“He’s waking up!” snapped a voice nearby. Dave turned his eyes away from the white ceiling towards the speaker, a blonde, blue-eyed man in a space-suit. In fact his hair was very blonde and his eyes a stunning blue.

“Are you okay?” asked the man, with genuine concern, “You may feel a bit dizzy for a while.”

“Yes thanks,” replied Dave, “who are you?”

“I am Egron. My colleague here is Athlak. You are on the spaceship “Explorer”, from the planet we call Aera. Now that you are both awake, we may debrief you fully.”

Dave’s eyes followed as Egron pointed first to Athlak, another male ‘Aeran’, and then to Steve, who was on the “bunk” next to Dave’s. Steve looked every bit as bewildered as himself.

“To use one of your own phrases,” announced Egron, “I’d like to cut straight to the chase. The first thing I must stress is that we come in peace. We have been studying this planet for many years. Our long-term objective is for this world to join ‘The Unity’: what you would call a confederation of allied planets...”

“So why abduct us?” interjected Dave.

“I’m afraid, my friend, this is a necessity we have to live with,” answered Egron, “It is the only way we can monitor their progress with acceptable accuracy whilst not interfering in any way.”

“Surely abduction is interference!” chimed in Steve.

“Yes,” agreed Egron, “but we have returned your, eh, ‘colleagues’ back to their watch stations. Their memories of our ‘investigation’ have been wiped from their minds. As we speak, they are merely experiencing a ‘gap’ in their memories. They have ‘lost’ a few ‘horials’, and you have mysteriously vanished!”

“And what if we don’t want to ‘vanish’?” enquired Dave.

“But we know you do!” asserted Egron, “Look, I agree our ethics and morals are questionable, but to quote you people again, the end justifies the means. In a few hundred of your years this planet, which we call 847891, should be ready to join ‘The Unity’. I’m confident they’ll make a fine addition to the alliance.

You will not like what I’m about to say, and I feel guilty to admit it, but we have completed a very thorough examination of you two. Over-intrusive or not, we have tapped into many of your memories. No offence intended, but you two make a fascinating pair.”   

“How so?” frowned Steve.

“Well, let me put it this way,” smiled Egron, “the scientists of 847891 see you as mysterious ‘aliens’, yet actually your DNA and your internal structure is even more ‘alien’ than ours! And our home planet is about 20,000 of your light years away from here! As for your memories... Where do I start? A few of your ‘weeks’ ago you two were sharing a ‘flat’ in a small town in ‘Yorkshire’, ‘England’, ‘Earth’. Your civilisation is about a hundred or so years more advanced than any on 847891. We would class you as a ‘pre-hyperdrive’ technology, not yet qualified for ‘Unity’ membership, sorry. Your planet is the third of eight or so forming a solar system located on the fringe of a spiral galaxy. Possibly our galaxy, or maybe any one of billions of galaxies. More of that later.

The fact is that suddenly you found yourselves here! Gentlemen, we are now in a parking orbit directly above where you ‘landed’. We’ve scanned the area with every instrument at our disposal. We’ve scanned you the same way. And frankly we have found nothing to explain how you got here. Nor, sadly, can we explain your extraordinary linguistic skills. Nor you ability to swim through the air.”

“Can you get us home?” pleaded Dave.

“Sorry, not as yet,” admitted Egron, “we have transmitted all of our findings to Aera and to Unity Headquarters, but so far they’ve come up with nothing. Unity simply suggest we take you to consult ‘The Ancients’.”

“Who?” asked Dave.

“The Ancients. They are the most advanced race we know of. If they cannot find your ‘Earth’, then nobody can. Are you up for it? Would you like to see them?”

“Yes Please!” smiled Dave, without hesitation. Steve agreed. The realisation was dawning on them that they had escaped the Padangies and might just be about to find their way home. Things were looking up. Egron and Athlak seemed pleased too. They had never met The Ancients so they were looking forward to a great adventure of their own.

A matter of days later, Dave, Steve and Egron were standing in the great ‘foyer’ of an enormous ‘skyscraper’ on the world of The Ancients. They had anticipated something “advanced”, “impressive”, “magnificent” but this simply took their collective breath away. If these “gods” could not locate Earth, then, indeed, nobody could.

Soon they were ushered into a “court” to meet a powerful looking figure on a “throne”. 
Steve made some inane remarks about “The Wizard of Oz” and “Ming”, to try to break the tension.

“Hello, I am Nethran,” began the Ancient. He went on to give them some background information about The Ancients. Their “empire” covered ten galaxy clusters, he told them.

“However,” Nethran continued, “although you have given us very detailed information about your homeworld, neither ourselves or our contacts have any record of your ‘Earth’. That’s not to say your world does not exist in one of our galaxies. It’s just that only about ten per cent of all habitable worlds have been ‘mapped’. Forgive me for saying so, but your ‘Earth’ is quite unremarkable.

As for who brought you to eh, ‘847891’, we have no idea. And our scans show nothing to explain your “powers”. All I can do is refer you to one of our top shamans: maybe she might be able to ‘see’ something we scientists cannot ‘detect’.”

Dave and Steve asked Nethran some questions, but in the end they had no option but to go see the lady shaman, called “Cabandra”.

Cabandra was in a deep trance. Suffice to say that the setting for her wailings and moans was as weird as Dave and Steve had expected. They were somewhere in the bowels of some “Ancient” super-city. Naturally the lads looked very uncomfortable, to say the least. Egron was still with them but probably wishing he’d let them go alone to see Cabandra.

At last Cabandra came out of her reverie and spoke.

“I’m sorry!” she declared, “my failures are very rare, but I’m afraid this is one of them. The spirits say they know of your world but cannot ‘relate’ it to this one. While you remain on this side of the life-death divide, all you can do is search the cosmos for your home.”

She turned to Egron: “Perhaps you could assist these fine young men with their quest.”

Egron nodded his agreement. They all talked further, but the bottom line was they would have to “search” together in “Explorer” as the lady suggested. Soon they returned to the spaceship. Egron contacted his home planet for advice. Sure enough he was cleared to take the boys on an indefinite “odyssey” through space, in a bid to find Earth. Steve compared this to the science fiction programmes “Star Trek Voyager” and “Battlestar Gallactica”. However, this quest was a much “longer shot” than anything the lads could imagine. Fortunately Egron and his crew all relished the prospect of some deep space exploration. That was why they’d joined the “corps” in the first place. The plight of the lads was a great excuse to go exploring. So they targeted an uncharted solar system and set off on their quest.

Chapter Five.

“There and Back.”

Dave and Steve soon settled themselves on “Explorer”. The ‘ship had a crew of fifty and facilities to match. The lads each had an en suite cabin but joined the others in the “mess” for meals. They were soon looking at views of their first target solar system, and rejecting it as unknown to them. Before too long they’d dismissed eleven such systems. 

However, Egron told them that anything of “interest” would be investigated fully: if appropriate with a “landing”. One “day” they were idly eating in the canteen, comparing notes about recent “sightings”. Egron and some others were seated at a nearby table, immersed in conversation.

Suddenly Dave and Steve found themselves sprawled on the ground. They looked around in bewilderment. Steve grabbed Dave and tugged him onto the nearest pavement. They were in Leeds City Square! They were back! As soon as they’d gathered their wits, they persuaded someone to ring a friend who agreed to drive over and pick them up. On the way to their rendezvous-point, they slipped into a bookshop and checked the newspapers. Then they asked someone the time. Astonishingly, they’d only been away from Earth for about five hours! Yes, it was the same date as when they left.

When they met their friend, they told him a fabrication about thumbing a lift to Leeds for a bet. Nobody on Earth would ever believe the truth. Once back home they checked their flat very carefully. Nothing they saw suggested why they had been transported to planet 847891, or why they’d been returned to Leeds. Evidently, time ran much faster on 847891 and surrounding space, compared with our Earth.

Once they had settled again, the boys read as much stuff on astronomy as they could lay their hands on. Needless to say they found nothing relating to 847891, Aeron or the planet of “The Ancients”. All they found was references to “Ancients” in some of our folklore. So all they could do was resume their normal lives.

About two years later Steve let out a tortured shout: “Oh no, not again!”

For Dave and Steve had just been walking towards their local supermarket. Now they found themselves standing in some “futuristic”, alien street! Steve sat himself down on a “bench”, his head in his hands.

“Pull yourself together man!” snapped Dave, “Better go talk to the natives.”

They did. Their linguistic “powers” were fully restored. They could swim in the air again too. Better still, the locals were friendly and sympathetic. When the lads asked them to try “radioing” Egron or at least “Explorer”, they did their best. And succeeded! 

“Explorer” was “only” about twenty light years away.

Within days they were back on board “Explorer”. They’d been “missing” for the equivalent of about two months only. This time they’d returned to a member planet of The Unity, which the Aerans called 371683. Of course, the lads had a lot of explaining to do to Egron and company, and lots of speculation to share. After a full officers’ meeting they decided to carry on their original quest: to find “Earth”. Hopefully they might also discover what was “going on” with the boys. Surely some “higher power” had some “purpose” for bringing them here, to this region of space, not once but twice. (Or maybe to this “dimension”, “alternate reality” or whatever).

Soon they were settled once more. The lads were always worried that they might be “moved” again any time. But after a few weeks their anxieties faded away. By then they’d visited and “rejected” another five or so “systems”. So the lads just knuckled down to the business of space exploration.

Chapter Six.

“Shore Leave.”

The business of “finding Earth” became really soul destroying. Time and again they examined a solar system and rejected it as, “Not this one!” So the lads were somewhat relieved when, as Steve put it, they went on “Shore Leave”. Actually they joined one of four “botanical survey teams” which “landed” on planet 237591. This world was a tropical paradise, or hell, depending on your point of view. The botanists saw it as “Planet Opportunity”, teeming with thousands of unknown species of fauna and flora. 

They insisted the ‘ship should make a long stopover here for “scientific research”. Like Earth, this planet had more ocean than land, but every continent and island was covered completely by either hot, steamy jungle or parched desert. There were no ice caps. Dave and Steve attached themselves to the most “northern” team, up in the planet’s “arctic” region, where the air temperature was a “cool” 35 degrees Celsius.

Soon the team was hacking its way through dense jungle, stopping periodically to “take samples”. The boys kept to the back of the group, letting the bigger fellows do most of the serious “work”.

Suddenly there was an agonised scream from someone near the front. One of the guys was completely covered by thousands of yellow and black insects. Wasps! Everyone backed off very rapidly, then a couple of men composed themselves and tried using laser pistols on the deadly swarm. Seconds later, all the wasps suddenly flew off, leaving nothing but a clean skeleton!

The mood back at camp was both sombre and angry. These “killer wasps” were known of throughout “The Unity”, but this area was supposed to be free of them. The botanists all agreed this was a tragic lapse in their “intelligence” on this planet. There was much discussion and recrimination. Steve actually conjured up the name “Piranha Wasps” for these horrific insects.

However, the bad news did not end there. They soon learned that the “marine team”, exploring a nearby ocean, had lost two men to some local sharks! Talk about a bad day at the office! Appropriate funeral services were held under the Aeran custom. Then it was decided that this exploratory expedition was over. They were promptly beamed back onto “Explorer”, which was “parked” over the equator.

Chapter Seven.

“The Slykon.”

About two Earth weeks later, Egron summoned the lads to his cabin. There they were met by a brown-skinned alien in a military-looking uniform. Egron introduced the “man” as Esprag, an officer of The Unity’s “Space Marines”. Esprag’s ‘ship “Formidable” had “stopped” about a quarter of a mile from “Explorer” and Esprag had come aboard to escort the lads: back to “boot camp”! They were to be “recruited” yet again!

This time their “enemy” would be another alien race known as the “Slykon”. Apparently they were thoroughly evil creatures who had built up a vast empire covering a significant portion of the galaxy. The Unity had been at war with The Slykon for about fifty Earth years.

About a week later Steve sighed, “Sorry Sir, I can’t do any more!”

The “doctor” smiled and waved to his assistant to stop adding weights to the bar which was now resting above Steve’s chest. He was laid flat on his back in the centre of a highly advanced gymnasium cum testing area.

“That’s no problem,” agreed the doctor, “you’ve lifted more than fifty times your body weight. Amazing.”

“God, I’m as strong as an ant!” exclaimed Steve.

“I take it that’s very strong then. Very impressive young man. On all measures, strength, eyesight, hearing, reactions: you and your partner are far superior to any life form we have ever encountered. You are also the only humanoids we’ve seen who can fly and talk in any language.”

“Yes but not when we’re at home! It’s only out here in space where we have these super powers.”

“Odd indeed.”

Steve wriggled free and eased himself to his feet. This gymnasium happened to be located on board the space “mothership” called “Invincible”. Steve and Dave were its newest crew members. Soon the two were back together, comparing notes.

“This place is like ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Battlestar Gallactica’ all rolled into one!” enthused Steve.

“Yeh,” concurred Dave, “It’s like a ‘base ship’. They say they’ve got fifty ‘hawks’ on board.”

“Those ‘fighters’ you mean?”

“Yeh. Do you think we’ve done right, agreeing to be pilots?”

“Sure,” smiled Steve, “by all accounts those Slykon are really evil. The evidence is there for all to see.”

“True, but we were conned about the Padangies. And they would ‘ve made us believe anything about the Yints.”

“Yes but this is different. This time I’m convinced: it’s all true,” insisted Steve, “Those ‘films’ we saw were real enough. I will not feel any guilt about blowing up these buggars.”

Presently they were summoned to the flight simulators, to be shown how to fly those “hawks”.

A few weeks later the boys were in “Slykon space”, flying side by side in their respective “hawks”. As Steve said, they were like Apollo and Starbuck of “Battlestar Gallactica”, sharing a scouting mission deep into enemy territory. By now they were hardened “warriors” who had each taken hundreds of “scalps” by destroying opposing fighters. They had soon proved themselves to be the best hawk pilots around, on either side, by a considerable margin. Their “super powers” gave them an enormous superiority. At times they had ridden their luck, however, so they were never complacent. Just now they had dodged their way through a dangerous mini asteroid belt, to bring them close to a beautiful, bright blue planet. It reminded them of home.

Dave broke radio silence: “Steve, I’m not happy about this!”

Steve: “Shut up Dave. They’ll hear us!”

“It’s too easy. I smell a rat, Steve.”

“Just focus Dave. Let’s go for orbit. Follow me.”

They both resumed their concentration.

“Steve! My controls have gone!”

“So have mine.”

“I think I’m being dragged!”

“Me too.”

About one hour later the lads were sitting together, in a cell! Captured. By the dreaded Slykon. It had been a trap! Their hawks had each been snatched by a “tractor beam”, and the rest was history. They were now prisoners on that lovely blue planet they had been patrolling.

Now some tall, ugly-looking guards came for them. Through a doorway they went, into an impressive amphitheatre full of Slykons! Where they were met by a deafening roar of applause! They were led to the centre of the “bowl”, where the resplendently robed Slykon “leader” stood above them, on a raised platform. The dignitary waved the crowd to silence.

“Welcome to Nethearia, you warriors of Earth!” bellowed the “big man”.

Applause.

“Welcome to The Slykon Empire. (With a flourish): You stand before some of our greatest warriors. We are a race of Honour and we honour you, amongst our most heroic adversaries.”

Dave whispered to Steve, “God they’re like bloody Klingons!”

The leader continued, “Many of our bravest brothers have fallen to your mighty swords. And only our most advanced technology has brought you into captivity. We applaud great fighters, whoever they fight for. We honour You!”

Deafening applause.

“...And more. I bear good news. A contact on the outer rim has sent us a message. He believes he has the coordinates to find... your homeworld, Earth!”

More applause.

“Yes, Earth! We have taken your old ship ‘Explorer’, and positioned it on the edge of our territory, right on those very coordinates. Would you wish to rejoin your vessel and complete the journey home?”

“Yes please,” chimed Dave and Steve, in astonishment.

“Very well then. Take them to their transport.”

Thunderous applause.

Straight away they were marched down another corridor.

“I don’t believe it!” gasped Dave as they hurried along, “They haven’t even punished us!”

“We are a race of Honour!” snapped one of the guards who had evidently overheard them.

“I’m not arguing bud,” smiled Dave.

“All you prisoners are the same,” replied the guard, “you think that because you have martyred so many of our heroes we will martyr you in return. You forget we worship those who are worthy adversaries. We only ‘punish’ those who offer little fight.”

“Let’s not push our luck Dave,” whispered Steve, and the conversation ended.

  

Chapter Eight,

“Earth.”

True to their word, the Slykons reunited the lads with “Explorer” and its crew. The coordinates for Earth had been passed on to Egron and company. There was no guarantee that these directions were accurate, but at least they now had something to go on. Egron and his fellow space explorers was very excited at this prospect. The journey would be long but hopefully well worthwhile.

Many weeks later Dave and Steve were summoned to the bridge.

“I think we’ve got it!” announced Egron. He pointed at a tiny blue speck on the main viewscreen.

“How far away is it?” asked Dave, screwing up his eyes.

“About five hundred of your light years,” replied Egron.

“We’ve got company!” interjected the “watch”.

Egron: “Company?”

“Yes Sir. Looks like some sort of battle cruiser. Heavily armed. One of them is talking to us on the radio.”

“Let’s all hear it!” commanded Egron, then he turned to the boys, “You two, grab those mikes!”

Within seconds they were all listening to an alien over the intercom. Of course, Dave and Steve heard this in English!

“... and I must warn you. The Alphatra will be here soon, to annexe this region of space! You are advised to leave this sector immediately. They...”

“Hello, I’m Dave England of the “Explorer”. We are on a peaceful mission to seek out my home world. Well, our home world. Me and my friend Steve that is. We are looking for a planet we call Earth. Who are you?”

“I am Thagra, commander of the space battleship “Annihilator”, from planet Equaerus. I offer Peace to all life-forms. However, my present mission is to stop the Alphatra from subjugating this region of space.”

“This is Egron speaking,” came a sudden interruption from the “skipper”, “Please tell me about the Alphatra.”

“They must have a universal interpreter system!” remarked Steve.

Thagra: “Where to start? They are an evil race who have built up a vast empire. The Alphatra enslave every planet that they conquer...

Egron: “We are on course for planet Earth, as Dave has told you, do you think we will be safe there?”

Thagra: “Will get back to you. We are calculating now.”

Ten minutes later, Thagra made his “report”.

Thagra: “... we have no doubt: your ‘Earth’ is directly in the centre of the Alphatran ‘target zone’. The planet will be conquered shortly.”

Egron: “What if we call in support from our armed forces, from ‘The Unity’?

Thagra: “Any help you could offer would be most welcome. We are greatly superior in technology to the Alphatra but have only four ships in this sector...”

Egron: “Would you estimate that we have sufficient time to check out the planet, to confirm it is ‘Earth’ before we go for help.”

Thagra: “Yes. We estimate the Alphatra will reach Earth in half of one of our years. Our analysis of your computer records – sorry for the intrusion – shows you have ample time to visit the planet and then make a return journey to ‘Unity’ space.”

Egron: “Understood. Will do.”

And he did.

Not too long later the lads were standing in the middle of their living room. There was no doubt, they were home! However, now they were accompanied by Egron and two colleagues. Oddly they had managed to return only minutes after they had left. And they still had their powers! They proved this by swimming round the room for a few minutes.

However, they had long since discussed their situation at length. They would keep all this secret from everyone on Earth. Their experience of being “guests” of the Padangies had shown them the folly of letting on about their powers. Furthermore, they had decided that they simply must return in the “Explorer” to Unity space and get help for their homeworld. Recently they had learnt that the Alphatra were due to discover Earth in three of our months. So they had agreed they would rejoin the “Unity Spaceforce” in order to stop the Alphatrans. For now everything seemed to make sense. “Someone up there” had perhaps abducted them for this very day: so they could save Earth! Of course, they couldn’t prove this, but it was a comforting thought.

Anyway, Egron allowed them a week of “shore leave” before they were beamed back on board the “Explorer”. They were not allowed to tell anyone anything of their adventures while on Earth. Egron insisted that Earth was not ready for any of this. However, in due course of time the lads returned to an area just three hundred light years from Earth. 

They came back on board “Invincible” which was one of a magnificent fleet of motherships.  “Explorer” accompanied the fleet and transported a regiment of “space marines”. They were joined by a small Equaeran fleet. Five small “local” fleets from various planets added their weight to the combined force. Then the whole body of warships advanced to confront their common enemy.

“We’re outta here!” yelled Dave on his hawk intercom.

“Beaten again!” cursed Steve over his hawk radio.

“Get back here, now! We have to retreat,” came the command from the mother ship, “Invincible”.   

In a blaze of confusion the Unity squadron turned tail and fled. Through a cloud of “flak”. Thankfully they made it “home” and the mother ship shot off into hyperspace.

The lads joined their commander, known as Atteerra, on the bridge.

“Yes, it’s another defeat,” moaned Atteerra, “we’ll have to regroup in the next system, again!”

“We’re here commander,” announced the navigator, “it’s all clear.”

“Let’s see how the battle’s going. Show long range scans!”

“Doesn’t look too good,” remarked Dave.

“What’s that?” asked Atteerra, pointing at the screen.

“Two new fleets have engaged the enemy, commander!” yelled the Chief Tactical Officer.

“Can you identify them?” enquired Atteerra.

“Yes Sir, the one on the left is the Gorraindian fleet.”

“Excellent!” smiled Atteerra, “The locals have tried for years to get them to occupy this sector. And the others?”

“The Slykon Sir!”

Everybody gasped. Dave and Steve looked at each other. Evidently the Slykon had either tried out their coordinates to Earth, or they had tracked them to this sector. Either way, they were responsible for this very mixed blessing. Okay, so the Slykon were now risking their lives against the enemy Alphatra. But what was to stop the Slykon from going on to conquer Earth? From what they could see, only The Unity and the Gorraindia were capable of keeping the Slykon in check. However, such thoughts had to be suppressed as they watched the battle unfold.

The wine was flowing. Music filled the air. Celebration time! The War was won. Earth,  along with her neighbours, was safe. The Gorraindia had extended their territory to a line about 800 light years from Earth. The “Allies” had proved far too powerful for the Alphatra. So here the boys were, on the Gorraindia homeworld, about 600 light years from Earth, 1400 light years from the Alphatra. And what a party!

Presently they were approached by the Slykon admiral, Tacknashkon.

“Enjoying yourself?” asked Dave politely.

Tacknashkon: “Enjoy? These people are far too reserved for us. Call this a celebration! More like a wake!”

“MMM,” Dave ‘replied’, somewhat taken aback. If anything the party seemed to be ‘over the top’. He changed tack: “What did you make of Earth?”

“Pleasant little planet, but of no interest to us. I cannot see why the Alphatrans bothered. This is the most barren sector I’ve ever seen.”

“Really!”

“Oh yes. If you too fine warriors would join us, we would show you worlds you couldn’t begin to imagine.”

Steve: “We’ll take that under consideration Sir. Right now we’re happy to work for The Unity whenever they need us.”

“So will we have the honour of crossing swords with you again?”

“No,” asserted Dave, “We’ve told them no way will we help them fight you again.”

“Why?”

Dave: “Because you were so merciful to us. We cannot in all conscience take any more of your fine warriors.”  

“That’s a shame. Those warriors all aspire to the greatest prize of their lives, victory over you.”

Steve: “That’s very flattering sir, but butchering them is not right.”

“Your super powers are legend, but someone will beat you. Enough of that. I’ve often wondered, can you do this?”

Tacknashkon brought his “hands” together and interlocked his “fingers”. At this point he vanished! Then he reappeared, his hands now free. Tacknashkon gestured to Dave to do likewise. Dave duly tried.

“No, not like that, like this!” commanded the Slykon admiral. He reached over and adjusted Dave’s fingers. And Dave disappeared too! Tacknashkon pulled back, smiling. 

Steve did the same as Dave but without any help. He too vanished from view. Then they both rematerialised.

“Honest to God, I’d no idea we could do that!” gasped Dave.

“Such talents!” purred  Tacknashkon.

“We’re still not joining you!” insisted Dave.

Steve: “And we’re not fighting you either!”

Tacknashkon: “Very well good warriors. My radio remains open to you, should you change your mind, any time.”

“Well, we could always teach you how to play us at football,” smiled Dave.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a game we play on Earth...”

Chapter Nine.

“Powerless.”

“Smurlashnan whurlallil al erroindish nerulloim,” stated the Aeron crew member.

“What?” replied Dave.

“Gerrainum purr sayumnox.”

“Sorry, I can’t understand a word you’re saying mate,” exclaimed Dave.

“Pelleeran tagutto exarrim dollurej?”

“Oh no. Steve?”

Steve: “Same here Dave. Where’s he going?”

“To get help I hope.”

“Oh God.”

Dave: “Have we lost our powers?”

Impulsively Dave lifted his legs to float, and fell on his backside.

A short while later the boys were in the medical suite of “Explorer”. The doctor was trying his best to explain their latest results. Presently good old Egron rushed into the room, clutching a couple of objects that the lads instantly recognised. Equaeran Universal Translators. Thank The Heavens. Egron ushered them to attach these badge-like objects to their chests.

“How’s that?” asked Dave, hopefully.

“Ah!” smiled the doctor, “that’s better. I can tell you now.”

“Tell us what?”

“Well, I’m sorry to inform you, your super-powers appear to have gone. You can barely lift your body weight, and your sensory acuity is reduced by about fifty percent.”

“I’m not surprised,” nodded Steve, “I can feel the difference. Don’t need your tests to know that, my friend.”

“You may not like this, but I’ve arranged for you to be sent to ‘Invincible’ for further tests.”

“That’s fine by me,” agreed Steve, “but I get the feeling it’s all over. We’ll have to use these translator things for the rest of our lives.”

“Fine by me too,” echoed Dave, “though I think we’d better start having some Aeron lessons.”

So the lads found themselves sitting in the medical facility on “Invincible”. They were with another doctor, and their old pal Atteerra, the commander.

“We did tell you,” pointed out Dave.

Atteerra: “No harm in checking. I’m very sorry my friends. This is a life changing....”

Suddenly the general alarm sounded.

Atteerra: “What’s going on?”

Intercom: “Slykon raid commander. Hawks are launched. Heavily outnumbered sir.”

Atteerra: “Outnumbered?”

Intercom: “Two to one sir. Situation critical.”

Atteerra pulled an alien face. Then a ray of light filled his visage and he turned to the lads:

“Are you two up for it? We’ve been ambushed. We need all the help we can get.”

Steve: “But we’ve lost our powers.”

Atteerra: “So what? Your senses are still sharper than those of any of our warriors. The tests prove it.”

Dave and Steve looked at one another. After a lengthy pause, Dave spoke:

“Okay, we’ll have a go. Better than letting ourselves get captured again.”

So they did.

A few hours later Dave helped Steve down from his hawk, back in the safety of the docking bay. They were surrounded by cheering crewmates.

Dave: “That was awesome Steve.”

Steve: “Yeh it was. Who needs f****ng super-powers?”

Dave: “We kicked their f****ng a**es well and truly.”

“You’re telling me. Must have shot down about two hundred each.”

“At least.”

The alarm sounded again.

Dave: “What?”

Intercom: “To all crew-members. Prepare for jump into hyperspace. The ‘Sligs’ have invaded sector four.”

Dave: “Sligs?”

“They’re as bad as the Slykon,” explained another pilot, “Other side of Unity space. We have innocent planets to protect. You must go to your stations. I will show you.”

“Thanks.”

Intercom: “All crew to space pods.”

Dave: “What? We’ve only just got here.”

Atteerra appeared.

Dave: “What’s all this Atteerra?”

Atteerra: “Those b*****d Sligs have jumped us. We have to get off. The ‘ships going to explode. I’ll take you to your pod.”

They hurried along a corridor filled with fleeing crew members.

Steve: “Where are we going?”

Atteerra: “To the pod.”

Steve: “Yeh I know. But where will the pod take us?”

Atteerra: “To the planet directly below us. The natives call it ‘Thumbra’. They are human just like you. Technologically they are about fifty years behind your Earth. We have provided you with suitable clothing. You are to blend in with them until our forces come to rescue us. Beware, though, they are already invaded. Come, this way, hurry.”

Minutes later the lads were huddled in their pod, alongside the equivalent of a junior officer, called Peggrim. The three of them gasped as they saw “Invincible” explode into smithereens. Fortunately they were just out of range of this cataclysmic blast. Soon they had to concentrate on planet-fall. Suffice to say they had a very rough ride, in spite of the pod’s parachute. More by good luck than anything else they landed on reasonably flat land in what could best be described as parkland. Under Peggrim’s direction they hid the pod and the parachute, then made their way towards the nearest town.

They found a road which led them to the outskirts. Plumes of smoke lazily swirled into the sky before them. The trio felt quite elated to reach civilisation so soon, but collectively frowned when they realised that the whole place had been blitzed. As they walked down the first street, as such, they were alarmed when a man dashed out to meet them.

Man: “What the ***** are you doing? Hide yourselves. Hide. There are machines about.”

“Show us, please,” requested Dave momentarily.

Hurriedly the man complied, showing them to a den amongst some ruins. A couple of young ladies were waiting there, cowering with objects rather like pitchforks. One was blonde, the other brunette.

“Wait here,” ordered the man, “I must check the area.”

He disappeared.

Minutes later the man returned.

“Really bad is it?” enquired Steve.

Man: “It’s all clear, for now. I think we’re over the worst. You men will have to watch yourselves.

“We’ve been away camping. Missed it all. How’s it been?” lied Steve.

“Horrible,” cried out the blonde girl, “Horrible. They’ve got these great big war machines. Heat rays. We’re lucky to be alive.”

“God it sounds like ‘War of The Worlds’,” exclaimed Dave.

“What?” asked Peggrim.

“Never mind, just some of our science fiction.”

Steve: “Trouble is, we’re dealing with fact here. Better knuckle down lads. (He now addressed the three locals). Anything you’d like us to help with?”

As these natives were scared witless, starving and thirsty, they readily accepted Steve’s offer of help and companionship.

   Chapter Ten.

“Beyond.”

Dave and Steve were sitting on a riverbank, fishing. It was now six months since the Slig invasion. After about four months they had found their way into the nearest mountains, where they were fairly safe. The Sligs were indeed very similar to the aliens in “War of the Worlds.” Or, more to the point, their fighting machines bore something of a resemblance to those spider-like instruments of death and destruction. The lads soon tired of living like rats, constantly on the run from these monster “cats”. To be fair, the Sligs seemed to get fed up of chasing them too. The move to the mountains was still something of a relief for the boys. There they joined the “Resistance” – not that this meant very much. Not a single raid brought any kind of real success. The Slig defences were simply impregnable.

The lads were not very focused on their fishing duties today.

Steve: “Why shouldn’t we tell them?”

Dave: “Well, Peggrim says it’s all about that prime directive stuff, we mustn’t interfere with their natural development.”

Steve: “Bullshit! What have the Sligs done then? Totally destroyed their civilisation, that’s what.”

Dave: “It’ll all be put right when ‘The Unity’ come.”

Steve: “They’re b***dy well taking their time about it. And how do you ‘put right’ an alien invasion?”

Dave: “Peggrim reckons they’ll erase everyone’s memories and replace them with new ones about a natural disaster...”

Steve: “And what if they can’t find everybody?”

Dave: “They’re gonna leave agents here to ‘process’ anyone who pops up out of the woodwork. Talk of the devil!”

At this point Peggrim appeared from the bushes.

Dave: “The man himself. Peggrim, I’m just trying to tell Steve here we must keep our traps shut about us being aliens.”

Steve: “I think it would be better for morale!”

Dave: “How so?”

Steve: “Well, just imagine you are a Thumbran. These all powerful aliens have taken your planet from you, and you’ve got no future. Surely you’d feel much better for knowing that the cavalry’s on the way. Even an alien cavalry.”

Peggrim: “Shush! Demlin’s here!”

Demlin, one of the locals, appeared.

Dave: “Hi Demlin, how are you doing buddy?” 

Demlin: “Fine thanks. How’s the fishing?”

Dave: “A bit slow again, I’m afraid. Tell me, though, what’s your assessment of morale in the camp?”

Demlin: “Pretty good considering...”

Steve: “Considering! Considering we’re a conquered race with no chance of being liberated, ever!”

Demlin: “I think most of us have got over the invasion now. We’ve adapted very well.

Steve: “Yeh, like rats in a cattery.”

Demlin: “To be perfectly honest the invasion came as a relief to me.”

Peggrim: “Why?”

Demlin: “Don’t tell the others, but I was really in a rut. Stressed out with work and up to my eyes in debt. I feel a massive load has been lifted from my shoulders. It’s all very exciting, to tell the truth.”

Dave: “You surprise me Demlin. Promise we won’t tell.”

Demlin: “What’s that bleeping?”

Peggrim: “It’s me! My radio. We’re here! Look!”

He pointed up to the sky. A magnificent fleet of space battleships was cruising over. Demlin looked horrified.

Peggrim: “Don’t worry Demlin, they’re ours!”

Radio (from Peggrim’s jacket): “Pod crew, we have a lock on you, prepare to be beamed up.”

Demlin gaped in astonishment as the other three faded from view....

Dave, Steve and Peggrim stood like statues on the “teleport pads”. Peggrim looked around anxiously.

Peggrim: “Where are we?”

Dave: “Don’t you know? I thought this was your show.”

Before them stood a delegation of five white suited men.

Leader: “Hello, I’m Matt Broderick, Chief Neurosurgeon, Pinewood Institute, London. Welcome to Reality.”

Dave: “What?”

Matt: “There is no way I can break this gently to you. This is a planet we call ‘Earth’, just as you call yours the same. (To Peggrim) And we have our own Aera too. But, I cannot put this any other way, your universe is not strictly real...”

Steve: “How do you mean?”

Matt: “See for yourselves.”

He pointed at a bed upon which a man lay asleep. His head was wired up: wires leading to a giant television screen which showed a jumble of flashing images. More wires led from here to the teleport machine.

Matt: “Meet your Maker gentlemen: this is John Smith.”

Steve: “Hey?”

Matt: “Gentlemen, we have just transported you from John’s Id. I’m afraid your whole realm, your whole universe is a dream created by John’s subconscious brain. However, with this new, super-holographic technology, we have brought you to life! Real life!”

Dave: “We’ve been very much alive for years thanks very much.”

Matt:  “Yes, but only within the confines of John’s head.”

Peggrim: “What if he wakes up?”

Matt: “No problem. Your ‘reality’ will continue to ‘run’ in his subconscious mind. We’ll wake him soon and you may talk with him: with his conscious self. But I warn you. He has been suffering for years from severe mental illness. John is very disturbed. That’s why your realm is so full of evil.”

Steve: “Like The Slykon, the Sligs...”

Matt: “Exactly. And so much more that you have not encountered. That’s why we have brought you here. He’s even written stories about you. You are his newest heroes.”

Steve: “So we’re fictional characters?”

Matt: “Yes. But more. You are dream men who represent Good. The antithesis of Evil.”

Steve: “The Dream Team?”

Matt: “Ideally you and others like you would form such a team, yes. But he’s waking.”

John Smith: “Who are you?”

Dave: “Don’t you know? I’m Dave, and this is Steve and Peggrim.”

John: “Ah, you look different in the flesh. (To Matt) So you’ve done it then.”

Matt: “Sure have, John, what do you think?”

John: “Are they really real?”

Matt: “Of course, shake their hands and er, feel for yourself.”

They all shook hands. Real enough.

Dave: “So you created us.”

John: “Well, my subconscious brain did, apparently.”

Matt: “Yes, and part of you three must be taken from memories of our world.”

John: “Yes, (to Dave and Steve) you two are English if I remember correctly. And you (to Peggrim) are Aeran. Of course, you are all historical figures. We are much more advanced these days. Isn’t that right Mr. Broderick?”

Matt: “Yes. You seem in good form today John.”

Dave: “Whoah. What are you saying? Are you telling me that you folk have your Slykon and Sligs too?”

Matt: “Not quite, but we have in our distant past. We have the ‘Creddeerra’. The Slykon are pussycats by comparison. The Creddeerra put John through some horrific mental torture when they caught him, all those years ago. That’s why he needs our help now.”

Peggrim: “What help, exactly?”

Matt: “We are helping him now. (To John) You know John: it’s what we have talked about. You must conquer your demons before you can help us fight back against ours.”

Steve: “Very nice, but what about our relatives? Are they just figments of his imagination too?”

Matt: “Yes, but we can bring them all to life now if you wish.”

Dave: “Yes, we do. So is this a one way ticket then?”

Matt: “Yes, unless you would prefer to return inside John’s head. And remember, once he dies, you die too.”

Dave: “I suppose that’s a ‘no brainer’ then.

Matt: “Yes.”

Steve: “And who’s ‘brain’ are we in now, then?

Matt: “What?”

Steve: “Who’s to say we here aren’t stuck inside someone else’s head, another ‘John Smith’, someone else’s dream?”

John: “God only knows.”

Matt: “I’d rather not get into metaphysics right now. Our first objective is to improve John’s mental health. Then we need to take the fight to The Creddeerra. Your decision on staying and helping gentlemen?”

All Three: “Yes.”

“Chapter Eleven.”

“Back to Square One.”

“Tell you what,” remarked Dave, “it would be interesting to see that planet we landed on when all this started.”

“And meet Mira again, and the Yints and Padangies?” replied Steve.

“You haven’t forgotten her have you?” smiled Dave.

“You mean planet 847891?” checked Peggrim.

“That’s what they mean,” confirmed John Smith, “actually in reality the planet’s called Elleterra, but yes it’s still there!”

“Great idea!” piped up Matt, “We could take you to the very spot where you first landed, if you like. Our very own ship ‘Explorer’ could take you there.”

Matt and company had brought many of Dave and Steve’s associates fully “to life” but nothing could be better than exploring reality. This would be most therapeutic for John Smith too.

Within days Dave and Steve found themselves standing on that very spot that meant so much to them. They stood on a little hillock in the “Plain of Peace”. Only this time they were looking down upon a motorway: a triple carriageway at that. Not a very busy road, but still a far cry from their original pathway. This time they had company too: John Smith himself, Matt, Peggrim and a “security specialist” called Vork.

Matt led them to where the well had been: now a service station. Here they boarded what looked like a nineteen sixties mini-bus or coach. Apparently Matt’s team had hired the bus in Metrolem for them. So they set off towards that very city. In due course they reached what had been jungle but was now farmland.

Soon they pulled up outside “The Traveller’s Rest”. No inn this time though. Clearly a greasy spoon transport cafe backed by a motorway motel! Everything looked 1950s or 60s! And rather decadent in a “modern” sort of way.

Eagerly the party went into the cafe.

And there was Mira, leaning on the cafe service-counter, a fag hanging from her mouth.

“Hello stranger!” she smiled, at John Smith, “not seen you for a while!”

John blushed a little and whispered hello. Mira hardly glanced at the others. After all, in real life she had never met any of them!

A little later Dave and Steve were sitting in their new motel room. Matt had booked them all into double rooms and explained that this was to be their headquarters.  Needless to say, Dave and Steve were sharing again.

They had a visitor: John Smith. He had just done telling them that he fancied Mira but had only fantasised about being intimate with her. Or watching someone else do so, which is where Steve came in! Say no more. Dave found it all most amusing. Steve was not so sure.

Suddenly the three of them were blinded by white light! A great orb hovered in the centre of the room. Before they could even move, the light slowly faded and the “ball” took form. Sitting before them was an old, grey-white haired man.

“Who are you?” demanded Dave, rubbing his dazzled eyes.

“God.”

“What, The God?” Dave gasped.

“Yes. Well, to be accurate, I am one aspect of what you call God.”

Steve: “How do you mean?”

God: “As you know, young man, I am omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, eternal and so much more. I exist simultaneously in an infinite number of realms, dimensions, realities. No way could any man, or his fictional creations, meet the whole me. I am but a representation of myself. This very appearance of mine is tailored to meet your expectations. I can take any form you like...”

In rapid sequence He transformed to a young black woman, then some sort of reptilian being, then a tiny kitten, and finally back to being an old man.

John Smith: “What do you want from us?”

God: “Well, the first thing this part of me wants is a cuppa from the cafe.”

Steve: “Surely you can provide that yourself!”

God: “But it will not be the same...”

So John picked up the telephone and ordered a delivery of teas from the cafe.

Dave (to God): “Surely you want more than tea!”

God: “Of course Dave. Of course. But we need to relax...”

Steve: “But why are You here?”

God: “To advise you. Well, just this once.”

John: “Why?”

God gave a wry smile, then said: “You three are great explorers. I expect great things from you.”

“Expect?” asked Dave, “I thought you knew the future, all of it!”

God: “Indeed. Yet this very conversation is part of the fabric of time and therefore must take place.”

John: “And what if we choose not to talk with you?”

God: “That would be your choice and your loss. And still part of this time-line so it will make no difference...”

There was a knock at the door. Tea!

Presently they each held a steaming cup.

Steve: “So, God, can I ask? Have we reached Reality yet?”

God: “I understand your question. You might indeed be someone else’s dream. But ask yourself this. How is any one reality better than another? Steve, do you think?”

Steve: “Of course!”

God: “Are you aware of your existence, of your surroundings?”

Steve: “Yeh.”

God: “So you are ‘real’ and so is your environment.”

Dave: “Whoah there. But how do we know that what we, er, experience is the real McCoy?”

God: “Does your environment respond to your actions? Did not someone answer John on the telephone and someone else bring the tea? Wasn’t John able to open the door and receive the tray? Did not your tea just burn your lips now because it was so hot? That’s all that matters. No one ‘reality’ is superior...”

Steve: “I disagree.”

God: “Thank The Lord!” Oh, sorry, that’s me! Ah, ah. It’s so refreshing to meet people who question. John, you have created well, my man!”

John: “Thanks, but you haven’t answered the question. Is this ‘Reality’ with a capital ‘r’?”

God: “Well, let’s put it this way, there is more, that I’ll concede, but that’s for the far future.”

John: “Okay. So, what is The Purpose of all this. Again in capitals.”

God: “It is because it is. You would not comprehend the ultimate ‘Purpose’.

Steve: “That’s convenient. What I want to know, though, is why you allow so much evil to go on. I saw a programme the other day about some wasps which lay eggs inside a caterpillar, and then they hatch out and eat the poor sod!”

God: “You cannot, I’m afraid, have Good without Evil. My creation must have its ‘Extremes’. Sorry, but...”

Steve: “That’s a hard attitude, if you don’t mind me saying so...”

God: “But Goodness is relative anyway, do not forget. What to you is an evil, alien invasion, to the aliens themselves is a quest for survival.”

John: “But surely some things are evil in everyone’s book.”

God: “Maybe so. However, my aim today is merely to tell you to keep exploring, questioning, and learning. Keep an open mind... Steve, your infatuation for Mira has very strong elements of wanting to ‘settle down’ and ‘play happy families’. John, you have hidden in your shell for nearly two years. And Dave, you are already showing signs of becoming a bigoted old fart.”

Dave: “Thanks!”

God: “Just keep your minds open, that’s all I ask. There is much to explore on this planet, Elleterra, alone. It would be remiss of Me to tell you what you will find. Keep learning. Change your mind as often as you wish. Make as many mistakes as you want. Maintain your youthful freshness, and keep growing. Yes, those two last words sum up my advice to you: keep growing!”

With that, He swigged down the remainder of His tea.

God: “Oh, and before I go, if you can grow then I can lie. I might just pop in now and then to see you. For now, good-bye.”

Dave: “Wait! One thing. Was it You who sent us here in the first place? And if so, why?”

God: “No. It was a god with a small g. Nothing to do with me. As to why, that’s not for Me to tell.”

And He vanished. Gone with no trace.

Dave: “That’s what I call a pep talk!”